One day I hope to find a boy who can stare at me and love me the same way he only could a girl
I would find in him a part of myself I have lost at fault of my own and confide in him how his figure scares me
How the coarseness of his skin terrifies and disgusts me and how his capacity to inflict violence disturbs me in a way nothing else could
In his admission, constructed on terms only I can decide, I am suddenly so light, so warm
Returning to a womb I will never possess
I find pleasure in this idea only to the extent that it displaces the fear of my own features to someone larger, clumsier
I mourn him and the life we will never have, the child i can never carry for him, the comfort he can never provide, how i will never be able to look at him and not think of his capacity to harm me
he is something i construct and destroy at various periods in my life
i am the child that knocks over a sand castle before the water can
No comments:
Post a Comment